Alas, Fergie is no Ann Wilson.
ERNEST JASMIN

Seattle rock legends Heart recently denounced John McCain’s presidential campaign for co-opting their ‘70s hit “Barracuda” during the RNC. And I’m thinkin’ maybe Fergie should be next in line for one of those official cease and desist orders.

The cover of Heart’s classic that her Fergaliciousness wailed her way through before nearly 6,000 fans Tuesday night at the Puyallup Fair was karaoke-worthy at best; ditto on occasionally cringe-worthy snippets of Paul McCartney's "Live and Let Die," Led Zeppelin's "Black Dog," the Rolling Stones' "Start Me Up" and Sublime's "Santeria" that she worked into a mid-set medley. (Uh, which one of these does not belong? And when did Fergie turn into a rocker? Anyway, at least Heart fans will be able to hear the real version of "Barracuda" Friday at White River.)

A few pitch problems aside, Ferg' did better on her own hits, which included, “London Bridge,” “Big Girls Don’t Cry,” “Glamorous” and Black Eyed Peas’ “My Humps.” And between songs, she offered up such zen koens as, “I think God gave us Taco Supremes for a reason” and (talking to her guitarist after being distracted by a carnival ride in the distance), “That ride kind of reminds me of your hand – going up and down.” Huh?

She seemed a little listless and out of it early on compared to previous appearances I’ve seen her make with the group that made her a household name, Black Eyed Peas. And the rambling, 10-minute band and dancer intros she tacked onto the end of her set would have been totally anti-climactic had they not been so entertainingly graceless and raunchy. The little girls that got up onstage with her right about then were pretty cute, though, as they griped about not being able to get backstage earlier and, strangely, bragged about getting backstage to meet Springsteen. Didn't know 'tweeners loved the Boss, did you? And just to end on a positive note: Ferg’s “lady lumps”? On the lovely side.

The Dutchess busts a Fergalicious dance move, something she did surprisingly little of Tuesday night at the Puyallup Fair. Her one-handed cartwheels were a hit, though.
ERNEST JASMIN

Fergies in training: Adorable or cause for concern? You know, I was surprised at the number of little squirts running around, considering Ferg's occasionally raunchy banter and, you know, the fact that she sings about "lady lumps."
ERNEST JASMIN