You know those white tigers that pace their zoo cages and then when you set them free in the dark of night and yell, "Run, tiger, run free, feel the wind in your whiskers!" they don't know what to do with themselves because they're used to the zoo?

I feel like that today, staring down an entire Friday evening with no work and no obligation that can't be put off, or just left to rot under the sink (I'm looking at you, trash).

So I turn to you: What is the perfect Friday evening in September? New movie at the Grand? Stroll along Owen Beach? Cupcakes and vintage shopping downtown?

Save me before I go home and just take a nap.

Every so often I'll come across the perfect place, where the scene and the surroundings produce an overwhelming sense of optimism that overthrows the part of my brain that thinks too much.

Last weekend I found another one of those sweet spots: A slouch-worthy chair on the back porch of the National Park Inn at Mount Rainier, glass of wine in hand.

What are some of your favorite places to sit back and take it all in?

(The bar at Hooters with the Seahawks on TV is an acceptable answer. Nature can be overrated sometimes.)

The newest addition to Sixth Ave., Crown Bar, is open. Sorta.

Us common folk won't be allowed in the pearly gates (or, I imagine, ultra thick mahogany doors) until Saturday night (they're doing private fund raisers right now, they told me on the phone).

Until then, drool over this menu:
Zihua Mushroom Quesidilla with Serrano tomato salsa
Cougar Gold mac and cheese
Thundering Hooves* bacon burger and fries

*Trivia question: Thundering Hooves is:
A) The name of the ranch that raises the organic beef
B) the nickname you'll be given after consuming it
C) a gimmick-y burger name.

(((A:rewsnA)))

http://www.standardoslo.no

The Seattle Art Museum is awarding their 29th annual Betty Bowen Memorial Award for Artists to Tacoma-based artist Oscar Tuazon. He will receive an $11,000 award from SAM and, according to one of my favorite former News Tribunians Jen Graves, he will be showing his work at SAM soon and the exhibit will have a lengthy stay.

Tuazon lives in Tacoma and Paris (aren't artists supposed to be starving?) and has named his daughter after our fair Tacoma.

You can see some selected works from his exhibition at the Standard in Oslo by clicking here.

A little about his work from the Standard:

Tuazon has produced a series of sculptures composed of urban debris: cardboard boxes, wooden pallets, printing plates, OSB boards from building sites, or melanin boards from defunct kitchens—materials gathered from the area of his Paris studio or near the various venues of his exhibitions.

I've often looked out across the Narrows and thought, "hot damn, that's a gorgeous bridge, but it'd be so much better if softly lit by solar-powered, rainbow-colored LED lights."

So it was of great coincidence that, just now, my telephone rang. A gravelly voice told me to meet him at the Tacoma Art Museum tonight between 8 and 10 p.m.

"Bring white wine, maybe an appetizer," he said. "I'll tell you about my plan to light the Narrows bridge."

"Is this Solar Richard?"

"No. (pause) Well, yeah. It is."

I was a bit confused at how our date at the art museum might translate into a sweet new tiara for the bridge until he told me tonight is 100th Monkey, and he'll merely be there, spreading the good word about rainbow lights.

Why rainbow lights? I'll tell you when you're old enough to understand.

Too good to be wrong.

It's a good time of year to cozy up to the baristas at your nearest coffee shop. Don't get too close – they might press charges.

Since I don't know where most of you live, I had to write this specific to the places within walking distance of my house.

Mandolin Cafe: I like that it serves both coffee and wine, because on some mornings, it's a really hard decision.

Forza: The new shop at South 12th and Union started out with a sign that said "Opening in 10 days." That was about a month ago. Now the empty building has been tagged. We saw a Tacoma Power crew there yesterday, so the long wait for electricity might finally be over. There just aren't enough coal-powered coffee shops around anymore.

Origin 23°: As Ed wrote this summer, Firehouse Coffee changed its name. I still call it Firehouse, because it's hard to remember what latitudinal number range in which coffee grows.

Shakabrah: This place always reminds me of college, because I was never really a tidy person in college.

Starbucks: You might recognize the same baristas working at both the old Sixth Avenue shop and the new drive-through stand. This is because Starbucks clones its best workers.

Fall is just around the corner, hiding behind a Dumpster, ready to jump out and slap your cheeks around until they turn pink and your nose starts to drip.

To prepare, I've come up with a list of items that belong in every closet, so we can all cope with such an unsociable season without the aid of artificial mood brighteners.

Please offer your own suggestions, so I won't feel so despondent while I'm dressing in layers.

This is my shopping list so far:

1. Sweaters
2. Soup
3. Brown liquor

Loyal Reader William McCorkle, clearly inspired by my post about the wonderment that is a perfect fried-egg-tomato-bacon sandwich, turns the tables.

He writes:

Hey Kelly -

Have you ever eaten a Hot Pocket? And, if you had, would you lie about it?

Sincerly,

Willy in da 253
Tree Swinger

PS - Thank you for the post yesterday. I now know what it must have felt like to order the sinking of the USS Maine.

Well, Willy. I recall a dark time (call it "college") in which my then-boyfriend tried to foist his addiction to Lean Pockets onto me. And our refrigerator. I admit this was a pre-Alice Waters period for me, and certainly pre-sea salt. (Then-boyfriend later got married in Vegas by an Elvis impersonator nine months after we broke up, so that gives you some context.)

Nevertheless.

Hot Pockets and their brethren are an abomination. That doesn't mean we can't all share a good laugh at their expense. Go watch comedian Jim Gaffigan on YouTube.

As I recall, his riff includes some toilet jokes. This may or may not be SFW, I don't know what you people do for a living.

Oh, I think I had a bite of one once, but I was always a Pizza Rolls kinda girl.

So say you get a random e-mail asking for a little help. A piece of your artwork, no more, no less. (No prescription deals? No hot stock tips? No pr0n?)

What do you do?

An artspace that opens tonight will show what dozens of good souls submitted. "The Kindess of Strangers" is the first show at Tacoma's newest gallery space, The Helm, run by two guys you'd recognize from The Grand Cinema, Peter Lynn and Sean Alexander. (I usually see Sean at Blackwater in his blue-and-red cap and have been pestering him for months about when this project would open. He assured me soon, and that it would be great. I'm a fan of great.)

A bit more about The Helm from its Web site:

Located at 760 broadway in downtown Tacoma on Antique Row, the space will feature a monthly show rotation of local and international artists. Openings will be held on the third Thursday of every month during art walk. In addition the space will be used as a general meeting hall, performance space, music venue, and reading room. The Helm aspires to be in constant dialogue with local community members and is always seeking new ideas that are worthy of approaching from both artists and non-artists.

And here's just one of the submissions the guys received, by Jen Tong.

Dreamy.

The details:
5 p.m. to 10 p.m. (opening reception part of ArtWalk)
760 Broadway
Show runs through Oct. 10.

See what other blogs are saying about The Helm. Here. And here.

I can't believe I forgot to post about this. Or call the cops. Whichever.

A few weeks ago, I was visiting a friend in Portland. When we walked outside of her apartment, there were a group of young men selling shoes out of the back of their car. I didn't pay much attention to the whole thing, but I did catch this, as one of the salesmen was digging through the shoeboxes in search for the proper size:

"Yeah, we're just down from Tacoma for the day."

Thanks, guys!

Come on, it's a fashion show for pups. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Seriously! Dogs wearing clothes. Pants and shirts that are probably more expensive than my own. Maybe even a little hat or a bandana or something – I don't know. What do stylish dogs wear these days?

What: Premiere Pet Fashion Show
Where: Bamford & Bamford Pottery, 3001 S. Huson St., Tacoma
When: Saturday; wine and appetizers at 6:30 p.m., show at 7:30 p.m.
Cost: $25 per ticket
Info: 253-576-7227
File photo by The Associated Press

In other odd dog news, co-worker Sue Kidd assures us there will be dog square dancing at this event.

Dog square dancing!? How do they understand all the intricate Country-Western moves?

A loyal reader wants to know where the hell we've been. Were there not fair scones eaten? Did Bombay Bistro not open in a mesmerizing cloud of garlic-naan vapors? Are we just sitting around eating mini Snickers bars and making fun of the new South Lake Union Trolley project? (I've got an acronym for you on that one: NSFW.)

In a word, yes.

After my week of incredibly friendly and untiring service as reader rep, I'm now on another week of dayshifts. Meaning I'm asleep at the wheel. (I usually work nights and I usually drink more coffee.)

Perhaps I can call on Laura and Niki to weigh in on the fair. Or anyone who supped at the Bistro. Or anyone with a Dayquil.

And just to clear the air, a computer glitch deleted some of the recent comments. You didn't say anything offensive. Please try again later.

Hugs and kisses,
me

But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the East, and Mabel is the sun!

Actually, Mabel is a plastic cow in the "Calf-a-teria" program at the Puyallup Fair and our smitten Romeo is a very real, very large steer named Harley.

According to a press release from the Puyallup Fair, Harley got one look through his barn window at Mabel's faux udder and teats and knew he must have her!

See, how she leans her cheek upon her hoof!
O that I were a glove upon that hoof,
That I might touch that cheek!

Unfortunately, Harley's plans to retrieve his one true love were quashed after he broke that same barn window in his pursuit. The fair replaced the window with a board, thus ending the steer's love affair with his plastic maiden.

Never was a story of more woe
Than this of Mabel and her Harley

Niki's response: "Men and their obsession with fake teats. Ugh."

It's been years since I subscribed to Seventeen magazine, so it comes as a surprise to me that it partnered with MySpace to launch the Freshman 15, which tracks 15 women as they experience their first year of college (And here I always thought that term referred to the inescapable weight gain – wonder if they'll track that).
One of the lucky participants, Kathryn Robinson, just happens to be from Tacoma.

Here's part of the story from the AP:

NEW YORK – Kathryn Robinson had The Talk with her boyfriend this week.

A breakup was inevitable: They are separated by thousands of miles. Robinson, who hails from Tacoma, Wash., has just started her freshman year at a liberal arts college outside of New York City; her high school sweetheart remains on the West Coast.

"I don't want to be committed to anything," Robinson said Thursday in a phone interview. "It just doesn't make any sense when you're in college and you're just meeting so many new people."

And in Robinson's case, she's "meeting" far more new people than the average freshman.

The aspiring music journalist/actress/obstetrician is documenting her first year at the State University of New York, Purchase College, for the new Web reality series, "Freshman 15." The program, launched this week by Seventeen magazine and MySpace.com, follows 15 girls as they experience the first taste of university life and its various pressures, from studies to long-distance relationships.

It seems like just a few short years ago that I was an aspring journalist/actress/obstetrician. Well, one out of three isn't bad: Call me if you need an obstetrician.

And if you happen to be Kathryn Robinson's ex-boyfriend, you have to post a comment and let us know all the details about The Talk.

Here begins a sweet little note from the City of Tacoma:

"A new sign technology is hitting the streets of Tacoma – Vehicle Activated Traffic Calming Signs."

I envisioned mood lighting. But no.

"The high-tech signs are predominately black, but when a vehicle approaches at a speed higher than the posted speed limit, the sign comes to life in bright LED text. The text reflects the posted speed and flashes beacons, which instruct the driver to ‘slow down’."

Sounds startling, maybe dangerously so. But wait, there's more! They're watching!

"The Vehicle Activated Traffic Calming Signs also have the capability of recording traffic behavior, including speed, volume and average speed. ...The first 10 signs should be completely installed by the end of September. Initially, the signs are placed in stealth mode – visually turned off, but still recording vehicle data."

(Stealth mode? You can't make this stuff up!)

Sleep tight! Big Brother is watching!

In 15 short minutes, Cole, Laura, Kelly and I will be at an undisclosed (outside Tacoma Steel building) location getting new photos taken. Turns out, I ruined our old photos by chopping off all my hair, and the photo editor was opposed to photoshopping a new haircut on the old pictures. Weird.

If you see us, act casual. Do not, under any circumstances, like bring us coffee and cupcakes, ask Kelly reader rep questions or streak through our photo shoot.*

*Save that for our appearance at the fair on Monday.

UPDATE:
Here's us jumping:

And here's a candid shot:

Photos by Lui Wong. Dysfunctional relationships by GritCity

Each week a different member of the newsroom staffs the Reader Rep desk, which mostly entails answering obscure questions, Googling things for elderly people who've never heard of a computer, and serving as the newsroom's sacrificial punching bag when angry callers have a gripe.

The lucky person this week is GritCity's own Kelly Davenport, who will be more than happy to dig up any and all arcane details of Tacoma history. Or if you just need to hear a friendly voice because your grandkids never call you, she's good for that too.

She can be reached at 253-597-8432. Call early, call often.

Or if you don't like speaking, e-mail reader.representative@thenewstribune.com.

If you're planning on going to the Puyallup Fair next Monday, I've got a deal for you: We're going to be there from noon to 1 p.m.

What does that mean for you? Well, if it goes anything like last year, we'll stand in the hot sun greeting seniors and small children while a News Tribune salesperson waves gift cards at passersby. Enough said.

Here's some ideas off the top of my head for making this year more successful:
1. Spend an hour and $10 on tickets, trying to knock a chubby 8-year-old into the dunk tank. (I've been practicing since last year.)
2. Have a scone eating contest.
3. Blog live from the event about seniors, small children, salesmen and scone eating contests.

So, really, this is not so much a "deal for you" as it is a "plea from me": Use the comments box to suggest some kind of ploy, technique, tactic, plot, pyramid scheme or scandal that might make this the Puyallup Fair one to remember.*

*Or at least come up with something to keep Laura busy so she won't pinch me.

I realized the other day that I was caring a whole lot less about my constitutional rights and a whole lot more about the newest offerings from AT&T, Multicare and the insurance guys, whoever they are.

(Thank God!)

Jason Hagey, who covers such matters, said this will be in court for years and you-know-who likely won't get fined until a judge rules they can be. As long as they don't optically harass me ever again, I'll survive.

Sadly, I learned at lunch today that the Taco del Mar in the Rainier Place shopping center (by REI, Borders & the like) is closing its doors at the end of this week.

While this is a sad event for the owners, employees and patrons, it's opened up an intriguing shopping event for surfers and lovers of all things tropical and/or weird.

The store is selling all of its decorations (and, if you've been in a Taco del Mar, you know there's plenty). That includes palm trees, surf boards, surfing photos, a giant marlin, an octopus, etc etc.

Make haste if you're interested as the opportunity will pass you by in the next couple of days.

You know those charming white car decals of Calvin peeing on various things? Driving into work today, I passed a truck with one of those. Calvin was peeing on an Airbus logo.

That is all.

Has it already been a year? It seems like only yesterday that I was sneerlingly suspicious of plans for a Seattle-based magazine to try to bottle the essence of Tacoma.

The result: I think City Arts is doing a great job.

It has an easy-breezy feel and seems to genuinely care about our city arts. I enjoy picking it up and reading about people I know.

The magazine has been smart by doing two things really well:

1. Finding people who know and love Tacoma to write the stories.
2. Getting involved in the community, such as hosting the 100th Monkey party a while back.

I can think of only two small ways it can improve:

1. City Arts is such a generic name for a fun magazine.
2. A magazine about Tacoma should have its office in Tacoma, or at least the 253 area code. (Jump on in, the water's fine!)

... or the GritCity Diner.

Here's an article from the New York Times about a Cambodian restaurant that's been flying the "coming soon" flag for two years. The owner is almost broke and isn't sure how many more delays he can handle.

I'm crossing my fingers that everything is on the up and up for Bombay Bistro (and not just because, when they open their doors, I'll have Indian food within walking distance).

Recently, I showed a visitor around Tacoma. She asked what the sense of community is like here.

I tried to explain it to her, but it sounded like I was lying: Tacoma is the kind of place where you can meet people at a coffee shop and end up being friends. Or the kind of place where your neighbor you've never actually met introduces herself in the grocery store. Or the kind of place where community potlucks still exist.

I thought that last one might have been just in my small world, but apparently not. Here's exhibit A, from the current City Arts issue, in a story by and about Beautiful Angle masterminds Lance Kagey and Tom Llewellyn:

We’re down in Lance’s basement studio printing our latest poster on the same evening as his neighborhood potluck. A bunch of neighbors crowd into the basement to watch us work.

( Who else is doing this? Where did this start? I love it! )

Then I read this post on BoingBoing, about a community in Colorado built in a way that encourages neighbors to socialize with each other. Novel concept, I know.

Tacoma's not perfect, a fact we have Seattlites to remind us of. But I'm regularly delighted by the things we do have going on here. That means that, when I'm occasionally reminded of the stuff we don't have, I get the feeling that it's only a matter of time. *cough*allnightdiner*cough*

Anyway, that's what's on my mind today. That and the Hello, Cupcake red velvet number that I just swiped from Ed Murrieta's desk.

Tacoma Community College's continuing education brochure went out in the mail this week. While many of the classes look fun, a few of them stood out as being a bit odd. Guess which one I made up.

Turkey Talk
Scared of the bird? Don't be – it's easy, and there are so many ways to prepare a fabulous Thanksgiving meal. Bake it, deep-fry it, or even BBQ it! Learn the trendy techniques and proper cooking times for all preparations.

Past Life Regression
Discover past life relationships with loved ones. Break old patterns of fear and understand their origin. Communicate with your guides and angels for guidance and inspiration. Come dressed comfortably and bring a pillow.

Learn to Love Your Lawn
Some days you hate your grass; other days you enjoy the intimacy of lying on top of it while its fingers caress your cheek. Get to the roots of your relationship and discover the secrets of what you need to provide for your lawn so it will love you back.

Survival Sewing
Meet the challenge of a sewing emergency with a practical and creative 911 rescue. Create your own sewing basket equipped for every emergency.

In the past few weeks, in an attempt to be interesting and productive, I had a short list of things I planned to write about:

1. Mineral moving
2. The eclipse (I fell asleep)
3. Tacoma’s creepy uncle in Wright Park

Then out of nowhere, In-Tacoma.net suddenly came to life last month and started churning out copy – and wrote about every one of those things. (We should wave at each other next time we pass through the same portal into the collective unconscious.)

Then this morning, on a walk to Sixth Avenue for breakfast, I was standing at a crosswalk when a pigeon bombed my shoulder with a dollop of poo. "Now here’s a strange occurrence that nobody will write about," I thought.

So before I posted, I checked what my vardøger had written about today: Pigeon feces.

He got me again!

Keep up the good work. I especially like the videos. And from now on, instead of actually writing anything, I’ll just link to your page and say: This is what I had in mind, had I mustered the energy to type.

Leave it to Sept. 1 to bring me my first taste of summer tomato. I've been waiting and pining for a simple meal of heavy warm tomatoes, cleaved in big hunks and dashed with flakes of Maldon sea salt. (Get yourself a box of this miracle food and put it on everything. Put a dab on each wrist and I'll go out with you.)

After a morning of helping two dear friends load a moving truck, I waltzed through the Proctor farmers market and picked up two heirloom tomatoes and a dozen fresh eggs. I had in mind a tremendously simple fried-egg sammy: toasted slices of Macrina Bakery potato bread layered with tomato, bacon, fresh basil, a perfect overmedium egg, and the Maldon.

Here's what you do:

• Slice bread – any will do; Macrina's is divine – and set aside.
• Crisp bacon and drain on paper towels. Two slices should do, more if you're feeling gluttonous.
• Warm a tablespoon or so of olive oil and fry an egg, turning halfway through. Just a couple of minutes should give you a cooked white and a runny, sunny yolk.
• As you cook the egg, make the toast.
• Layer toast, tomatoes, egg, a couple of small whole basil leaves, and bacon. You could shave over a wedge of gruyere or havarti cheese or dribble a few drops of white truffle oil, but this is supposed to be about the tomato, now isn't it?
• Fresh cracked pepper. Plenty of sea salt.

Blow your own mind.