Hey gang,

It's been a couple of weeks since I last sent an update. Time sure flies when you don't receive any inquiries concerning your whereabouts!

Here's the scoop so far: Robert "The Traveller" Hill came to visit. (For those who don't know: check the comments here for a taste of Mr. Hill's style.) Not me, specifically. First, he stopped by to see Sen. Rosa Franklin. He didn't get in because he was carrying a gun. We're told it's a toy gun, but the state police don't look too kindly on that.

Next, he went to visit Sen. Debbie Regala.

=> Read more!

Or would that be Pascovites? Pascovians?

Anyway. I'm pleased to report that there is not a scalpist on the loose in Franklin County. You might've seen this brief last week:

PASCO, FRANKLIN COUNTY – The discovery of an apparent piece of human scalp has puzzled police, and they’re knocking on doors to try to determine its source.
“At this point it appears to be human,” police Capt. James Raymond told the Tri-City Herald on Tuesday. “We’re taking a leap that the person it belongs to probably is not alive.”

Eriberta Salinas told KNDO-KNDU Television that her 4-month-old puppy Clifford brought home the apparent piece of scalp with dark red or red and gray hair Sunday from a backyard in the neighborhood.

Police went door-to-door in the east side of Pasco for about five hours Monday to ask neighbors if they had seen any red-haired strangers in the area.

Today comes word that officials have determined that the hair belonged to a cow. Whether that cow counted as a "red-haired stranger," I can't say, but I do think there's a country song in there somewhere.

Or just a business plan for cow-hair toupées. This Scottish gent looks rather dashing. Just don't mention burg(h)ers.

A car alarm down the street is beeping about once per second, not with the urgent wail that marks an intruder, but with the constant pulse of an amplified heartrate monitor.

This has continued uninterrupted for more than 36 hours.

When I'm lying in bed, it haunts me - like an electronic drip from a virtual sink.

A lot of communities would solve this problem with a brick. But Sunday morning I talked to my neighbor Bob, who lives nearest the chirp, and he told me his solution: He politely slept with earplugs.

So now it's early Monday and the beep persists.
And we endure.