This is quickly making its way across the tubes, so I thought I'd pitch in and help. The Spokane Chiefs hockey team won the Memorial Cup (the Canadian League's championship prize). Apparently it's a really big deal, but I wouldn't know it since I don't follow hockey. The Chiefs are the first U.S. team in a decade to win it.

Amidst the merriment, team captain Chris Bruton was proudly displaying the trophy and then...this happened:

The UK's Daily Telegraph recently published a profile on Washington State resident Edward Smith, 57, who engages in what is known as "mechaphilia" -- or, sexual attraction to machines. Smith's machine of choice is the motor vehicle and admits to having sex with at least 1,000 of them since he was 15.

The winning quote of the article: "There are moments way out in the middle of nowhere when I see a little car parked and I swear it needs loving."

But his wandering eye has spread beyond cars to other vehicles. He says that his most intense sexual experience was "making love" to the helicopter from 1980s TV hit Airwolf.

The article doesn't say where specifically in Washington Smith lives. Any guesses?

I've been a fan of FOUND magazine and its Web site for years. I used to think I would go around finding weird, funny stuff to send in to them, but I never did. I always keep an eye out though, and indeed, my compulsion with picking up things I find on the ground generally worries my loved ones.

The best thing I've found in Tacoma have been a tiny plastic zebra, which now lives in my truck air vent, and a stenciled blue unicorn on the sidewalk outside Blackwater Cafe.

Today I stumbled on a new site, passiveaggressivenotes.com.

I couldn't help but notice that two of the notes on the first page are from people in Seattle and Tacoma. I'd print them, but they're naughty. You'll have to go read for yourself.

I am stealing this Post-It from FOUND, though. For illustrative purposes.

We've got a heart-warming story in the paper tomorrow about efforts to preserve some imperiled Washington state wildlife on land at Fort Lewis. Read it on our home page.

One of the critters was the Western or Mazama Pocket Gopher. (photo courtesy of Wikipedia)

If that's not a contender for best new euphemism, I don't know what is.

And, I'm not making this up, one of the other species was the Streaked Horned Lark.

Who says conservation isn't sexy? Reduce, reuse, recycle, people.

First he shuts out cancer. Then tonight Jon Lester no-hits the Kansas City Royals.

This blog posting by Scott Fontaine back in October sums up why the 2002 Bellarmine Prep grad's story is so great.

Here's a picture of Lester back in his Prep days. Anybody go to school with him? Have any good stories?

Photo by Russ Carmack of The News Tribune.

I don't know what kind of perverted magnetic forces are at work here, but it's taking a toll on our homes.

Personally, I blame errant GPS guidance systems.

I'm sensing a trend:

May 14: No one home, no one injured as police car backs into house

May 12: Car crashes through basement wall just after resident left the room

May 5: Woman flips car and crashes into house

February 28: Stolen gold Cadillac plows into duplex

Top two photos by News Tribune photographer Dean J. Koepfler. Last photo is a News Tribune file shot from 2004, when crashing into houses wasn't as trendy as it is now.

I was momentarily ecstatic upon spotting this headline on The New York Times' Web site.

Bacon Triptych Auctioned for Record $86 Million

Alas, that would be Francis Bacon. The artist. Not the delicious, delicious sweet cured fatty back of a pig.

My mistake.

(This is bacon.)

So a gnome IM'd me the other day.

How does a gnome end up on IM anyway? I imagined him tossing the unicorn some extra alfalfa, popping a Diet Coke, then hopping on Facebook to see if anyone hot on his friends list has been dumped recently.

Maybe that's just me.

The gnome in this case was our very own Tacoma Gnome, who I understand has just participated in the 72-Hour Film Fest.

Our chat went thusly:

=> Read more!

First, an update: As some of you know, I've been covering politics for the past five months. If you didn't notice ... really? You didn't notice? Not once did you wonder where I was at? Well, that makes me feel great.

Deep breath. Serenity now. I missed you.

The reason I'm writing is that my colleague and film-reviewer extraordinaire, Soren Andersen, is writing about the upcoming "Sex and the City" movie. If any of you (and I know there are some of you) are interested in "Sex and the City" (that's an "and" not "or"), Soren would like to speak to you. Specifically, he's looking for fans who think (or want to think) they know a thing or two about the plot, courtesy of spoiler blogs. Or those who just can't wait for the movie to come out -- did you hear someone dies?!

So, if you're in that group, e-mail: Soren.Andersen@thenewstribune.com

Last night at the Tacoma Dome was a Sesame Street extravaganza called When Elmo Grows Up, "a musical show-and-tell of the possibilities of all kinds of careers."

I didn't go, but I can guess what happens: Elmo gets older, his voice gets deeper and he starts to get fur in odd places.

Then the show probably tackles the difficult issue of grown-up Elmo trying to find a career when his only talent is vibrating after he's tickled.

I imagine it all ends somewhat like this ...

I hate cutting and pasting news releases, but this seemed interesting and might save us all some money:

Tacoma Art Museum offers free admission to Bank of America credit, check and ATM cardholders on the first Saturday and Sunday of every month. The offer is valid through May 2009.

I was sad to hear that Stadium High School grad Irv Robbins died this week. That's Robbins, as in Baskin-Robbins, as Kelly once wrote.

As one reader pointed out, isn't it true that all good things come from Tacoma?

"We sell fun, not just ice cream," Robbins once said.

Since that's his outlook on life, then we hope he wouldn't mind our lingering thoughts about what comes next for this True Gritizen:

• There should be 31 pallbearers.
• His casket should be made of waffle cone, with a cherry on top.
• His headstone should look something like this ...

In honor of its namesake, Baskin-Robbins says "ice cream lovers across the globe are asked to keep Irv and his family in their thoughts and prayers and honor his memory with 31 seconds of silence on Friday, May 9, 2008, at 3:31 p.m. local time."

Stimulus-Response: Here's a more accurate depiction of what we're buying with our stimulating checks.

How are we Tacomans spending our economic stimulus checks?

And by "grit" I mean "gasoline."

What should we add to this pie chart?

A closer look at the hacked-up tree at Chambers Bay Golf Course reveals only one thing is keeping it from toppling ...

It's Tilt! A favorite drink of Tacoma's car thieves and other degenerates.

Wannabe lumberjacks must also have a weakness for lemon-lime flavored caffeinated malt liquor.

UPDATE: Remember that sea lion who died at Point Defiance? His necropsy x-ray was just released. Looks like he was consuming more than salmon ...