It's that time of year when everyone and his mother is telling you to be safe for the Fourth of July.

So in the tradition of obvious and condescending advice on how to stay alive during routine summer activities, we present GritCity's Lucky 13 Summer Safety Tips:

1. Wear a life jacket, unless you want to die.

2. Don’t ignite fireworks in your hand or in your boat or in your pet.

3. Don’t run with scissors in your boat.

4. Wear sunscreen, unless you have a death wish, like that guy over there who isn't wearing his life jacket.

5. Strap your child to the mizzenmast for his/her safety. Don’t forget the water wings.

6. Use a hands-free headset when talking on your cell phone while boating. That way you can still hold your drink.

7. Don’t go boating within an hour after eating.

8. Don't open attachments from unknown senders on your boat.

9. Don’t carry your Social Security card while boating, in case you encounter a flotilla of identity thieves.

10. Look both ways before crossing another waterway in your boat.

11. Keep the cooler stocked with enough beer to last for two weeks in case of stranding. If you don’t get stranded, even better.

12. Don’t talk to strangers while boating, unless you’re on a hands-free headset.

13. If you go out boating and forget something that’s locked up in your hot car, make sure it’s not your dog or your kid or your drinks.