Here's the rest of the Ralph Porter audio:

Ralph Porter audio, part 2

Ralph Porter, longtime host of the Ha-Ha Tuesdays comedy night over at Jazzbones, is moving up in the world.

Ralph recently sent me an e-mail letting me know he was headed to Los Angeles for some high-profile tapings, appearances on BET's "Comic View" and HBO's "Def Comedy Jam."

I talked to Ralph on the phone Monday. I'll let him explain:

Ralph Porter audio, part 1

Ralph is back from his "Comic View" taping and awaiting his September "Def Comedy Jam" taping. In the meantime, he'll host Ha Ha Tuesdays as well as his Friday night gig in Seattle. (Listen to the audio!) Also, the "Jeremy" we talk about is Jeremy Wood, another comic I'm planning to write about. Ralph is hosting a benefit for Jeremy this Wednesday night at Jazzbones. See you there.

Ralph Porter, host of Ha Ha Tuesdays at Jazzbones, keeps the crowd laughing during breaks between acts. (Drew Perine/The News Tribune)

So, as has been previously reported, Top of Tacoma does not have a Big Buck Hunter Safari edition.

Tears were shed.

However. It does have a Big Buck Hunter Pro – that is, the version in which you can shoot big horn sheeps and elks and deers and mooses and other quadrapeds.

As Savvy_Reader mentioned, it ain't cheap. It's about 2 or 3 bucks per person for a "hunting mission," but that gets you several rounds, plus a couple bonus extras.

One tip: Stand a little closer to the screen than you think you should. I found the Pro deer were faster and sneakier (damn you, wily bucks!) than the originals.

Also: Don't forget to shoot the critters. That sweet fluffy-tailed fox will get you 50 extra points. Suck it up and shoot, kiddos.

All right, report back, hunters and let me know how you do. Maybe we can organize a trophy contest at TofT for GritCity readers.

My Friday unfolded just as promised: Hub pizza** (after a long but tolerable wait in an elbow-to-elbow dining room), followed by the Tree Roots in the Basement show at the Helm. I flirted briefly with King's Books, but did not linger.

I snapped a few shoddy pics from the show to upload. Look out for those later. But it made my heart happy to see all the young'uns of Tacoma out in their best skinny jeans and thrift-store dresses to support the artistic pursuits of their friends. God knows I didn't have my act together at 19. I was probably still wearing something made out of hemp.

** Loyal reader Dave L. says he, too, had pizza this weekend, at home, but burned it. The Hub did not burn my pizza, so that's an option to consider in the future, Dave. I'm sorry for your loss.

In other news of a Washington sort, a boy from Whatcom County beat all of us in terms of weekend ambition.

BLAINE, Wash. (AP) — A 13-year-old boy in Blaine is claiming the world record for blowing balloons with his nose.
Using one nostril at a time, Andrew Dahl inflated 213 balloons within an hour Friday in the town’s public library. His feat has been submitted for review by Guinness World Records.
His father, Doug Dahl, measured the balloons to make sure each was at least 20 centimeters, about 8 inches, the minimum diameter, and his mother, Wendy Dahl, kept the tally.
At one point he asked, “Does this count as practicing my trumpet?” His mother replied, “Only if you can play that with your nose.”

Ah, to be young again.

Instant human, just add espresso!

(beat)

The fact that I just wrote that unironically is evidence of the overdose of vitamin D I'm enjoying via my office windows.

No, I'm not out cart-wheeling down Sixth Avenue. Yet.

But I'm rather excited at the happenings around town tonight.

My evening is shaping up thusly:

• Pizza at the Harmon Hub (?!). This just occurred to me, but seems meant to be.
• Open mike at Kings Books, featuring this nice poet fellow from Spokane.

OR:

• CD release party at the Helm for Tree Roots in the Basement, starring my Blackwater regular coffee pal, Colin. When last we spoke about music over coffee, he said he was very excited about his new full-length album. I believe that may be a direct quote.

Both of these shindigs start at 7. The first is free, the second only 5 meagerly exchange-rated USD.

The world is at our feet, and fingertips. Go forth and conquer.

They mowed the grass in front of my building today for the first time this year.

Ah, spring.

Anyone doing anything especially seasonal this weekend? There's an arts walk Saturday down Alder Street beginning at 6:30 p.m. Here's the schedule:

6:30 open mic
806 N. Alder

8 p.m. acoustic set
3114 N. 12th St.
featuring: Ellen Wondra, Molly Hamilton, Allan Boothe, Eleanor

10 p.m. electric set
3120 N. 8th St.
featuring: Flock, Kusickia, Happy Birthday Secret Weapon, Nextdoor Neighbors, Banners

See art! See music! Dip your toes in the grass!

Then you'll want to check out the new Tacoma location for the drag show by Lupe Cervantes (aka Lupita "What's Love Got To Do With IT?" Cervantes, as Niki dubbed her), formerly of La Costa Mexican Restaurant, which was sold in June.

Lupita will be performing at the Rock (aka On The Rocks) on Fridays and Saturdays until a more permanent stage can be found.

I had a quick talk with Cervantes after hearing the show had found a new home.

Cole: "Describe your performance."
Cervantes: "You like to be entertaining to the people. People think I'm Tina Turner because I dress like her. You have to look like a woman, with the hair and makeup and nylons and the nails. Everything has to be perfect"
Cole: "It sounds like you look better than Tina Turner."
Cervantes: "I think so."

Lupita Cervantes at On The Rocks - 728 Pacific Ave.
Fridays: 9:30 p.m. show in English. 11:15 p.m. show in Spanish.
Saturdays: Both shows in Spanish.

Photo by Janet Jensen, fabulous drama by Lupita.

The other night at Pacific Grill, I ordered a glass of white wine. In February.

In Wright Park yesterday afternoon, puppies gamboled after their owners.

Today I find myself listening to the Rolling Stones with the truck windows rolled down, blazing through the Nalley Valley.

Which can mean only one thing: Spring. Which can mean only one thing: Big Buck Hunter season.

Thanks to all of you who wrote in a couple of weeks ago to recommend places with my favorite arcade game (second, at least, only to "Twister" pinball).

You were all wrong.

None of those places had Big Buck Hunter.

But that's cool. I went to all of them in the name of research, and I wasn't about to call off the evening for lack of buck.

Good thing loyal reader and pal Andrea remembered that Meconi's on Pac Ave has a game room, and said game room had what we wanted.

Many electronic animals were killed in line with the appropriate laws and permits.

So if you're feeling bloodthirsty on this fine quasi-spring day, you'll know what to do.

According to my celestial calculations, there's going to be a total lunar eclipse about 7 tonight. But what does this event portend for Tacoma?

If the Earth sees its shadow, will we have six more weeks of winter?

Or, as fortuneteller and Wiccan high priestess Laurie Johnson tells the Los Angeles Daily News: “An eclipse can also cause major physical cataclysms on the planet — earthquakes or tornadoes. Beware, or be prepared.”

Last night I sent an e-mail seeking guidance from the Tacoma Earth Religions Revival Association (Slogan: Founded with one purpose - to create a viable Wiccan/Pagan community in Pierce County by networking and hosting open events.) I'll let you know what I hear back.

Until then, I'd like to hear your interpretations of what the eclipse means for Tacoma. Will the crops fail or is it time for a new king? Is the blood-red moon an omen for battle, and if so, should we invade Fife or Milton?

Let me know what you think.

The 100th Monkey gathering is from 7:30 to 9:30 tonight at Jazzbones.

The 100th Turtle gathering is also tonight, at a random time and secret location of your choosing.

Which one will you be attending?

Funniest thing I've read all month:

What is "The Hundredth Turtle?"

Scientists studying box turtle behavior on an island observed that the turtles had virtually no interaction with each other (the exception being sex) and yet the colony flourished.

The scientists noticed that if you placed 100 turtles together in a pen, the turtles would stop at nothing to try and escape the company of the other turtles.

– Holistic Forge Works

If one were to cast an eye over my library of blog postings, one might deduce that I, lover of cupcakes, unicorns, kittens, puppies and ice cream, am a pacifist.

One would be correct.

But that doesn't mean pacifists don't lust after shooting computerized deer with a toy gun.

I'm talking Big Buck Hunter.

Pro.

The thought almost makes you want a cheeseburger, don't it?

Last time I played it was at some terrible Hollywood-themed minicasino in Shoreline. And Shoreline is scary.

I refuse to believe that I have to drive north of the T-dome to find Buck Hunter. Plus, my friends who love the thing more than me are on my case to find them one locally.

That's where you come in.

Where art the Buck?

Thanks to everybody who stopped by the Top of Tacoma last night. It was fun to match faces to screen names. I think I counted 14 of us at one point, including a certain state government official who didn't want to be included in any of the pictures (it wasn't the governor).

But my favorite thing about the event? One frequent Gritizen who couldn't make it sent her roommate, who had never even seen the blog, to get T-shirts. That's an awfully nice roommate!

Here's a mashup photo of some of the readers who showed up. The best T-shirt of the night wasn't the one we were giving out: Check out the historical "Tacoma Grand Prix" shirt from 1986. Classic.